This week has disappeared into a depressing black hole.
I spent 3 days buried in the study.
I had to get the gst done but I was so down and depressed that I really struggled to finish it by Wednesday.
Tim took Brad over to Waterfall Bay Monday & Tuesday to work on the breakwater repairs.
Finally the tides were right and the digger was able to come and everything teed up perfectly.
Tim was rapt with the completed job.
There are still a few small finishing touches to do but the main part is done so the engineer can finally come and sign it off!!
I think Anson, Johannes & Gavin did some mustering each day and went fishing a couple of times.
Shanni helped them mustering and helped around the house when she wasn’t doing her possum traps or reading up with her lamb which is not terribly well at the moment
Mahalia & Kashana kept themselves busy with the horses and Sylvania.
They swam with Azzan several times.
The weather was good and Mahalia came in one night looking very sun kissed.
Monday I started spiraling….
Tuesday I spent in tears.
I had to field a lot of phone calls relating to some very stressful things.
Plus I had a heavy weight on my mind.
My stress bucket was just overflowing all day.
As a mother, no matter how old my children are, I still struggle when I see any of them hurting and self destructing.
I love and care deeply for each of my children.
I have put so much of myself and my life into raising them throughout their formulating years.
Then once they reach maturity I try to stand back and let them go and find their own paths.
But sometimes it just breaks my heart to see the battles they put themselves through, the journeys they choose.
I can let them go, but I can’t stop caring and loving.
And this week my heart just broke so much, but I didn’t know how to deal with it.
So I did the very thing I am now trying so hard not to do – I retreated & buried myself in my pain.
One of my phone calls was with my ACC case manager.
He was very helpful & understanding as he reiterated to me that I myself am in early stages of healing and I still have a very long journey ahead of me, so I have to stop being so hard on myself.
Wednesday I managed to get the gst completed & filed on D-day – talk about 12th hour stuff!!
Tim & I had to make some decisions, and those decisions were not understood or appreciated by the ones affected.
But thems the breaks in the world of parenting
Maybe, just maybe, next week will be better.
Today, Thursday, I was heading to town with the children.
We didn’t have to leave until 11am as our first appointments were at 3pm but I just knew it would take forever to get the kids moving and it did!
It is actually less stressful to leave at 6am and be ready the night before!
I had prewarned them last night to be organised but I still had to chase them along to get packed and into the Terrano ontime.
Mahalia & Kashana just were not at all interested in being ready, far more better things to do like horses and computers and Sylvanians
Azzan also was having a major problem with packing.
Then he had to liaison with his teacher for the 9am Skype chat.
Finally he managed to poke a few clothes into a wee bag and he was ready – oops! no footwear, better go hunt them out.
Thankfully his mother found his sleeping bag and music book!
Shanni wasn’t that keen on going either but she finally was ready too so we left just on 11am.
Tim was up the top of the hill with the fertilizer trucks so we zipped up to see him pon the way out the gate.
We got on the road in front of the trucks as they would be travelling a tad slower than us.
We popped into to see Phoebe but she was out.
Tilly greeted us, she had tangled her lead around the post so Azzan untangled her.
In so doing her collar slipped – she was away and bouncing into the car to see the girls with great licky excitement.
I was worried she would run away so Mahalia held her firmly while Azzan refastened her collar.
She watched us leave with a rather mournful wee face
We had just enough time to get the children a drink before Sally arrived.
She and I had a quick sitdown drink at Starbucks while the kids whizzed up the street and got hot potatoes for lunch.
Time was ticking so we said goodbye to Kashana and Sally.
I had scarecly 20mins to drop Shanni off at her appointment, then Halia & Azzan at the library and then get to my appointment at 3pm.
Made it just in time.
After such a busy stressful day it was nice to sit and let Hitomi cut and wash my hair – bliss
Then I was back to the car and picking up kids again.
We zipped into Penguinos and got outrselves a yummy gelato each and headed out to Richmond.
I dropped the children off to Andrea for their music lessons and I came back into town to an evening at Nelson Beauty Therapy.
A wonderful cause to be a part of – I really enjoyed hearing more about it.
I left there just before 7pm and went back to get the children.
I spent an hour with Ross.
He is getting my technological life sussed for me.
But an hour was enough as we were all very tired.
The kids just wanted to get to bed.
We stopped off at Countdown on the way through Stoke and they all chose some food for dinner.
We heated it quickly and then they headed off to bed.
Nathan arrived back around 10pm.
He had just worked his first night at the Rata Room at NMIT.
According to Leanne who had dinner there with Anson, Marah & Gavin – he did well and was very professional.
It was really nice to chat with him tonight and hear what he is doing and to see him happy.
Now it is time to head off to bed as I have an early start in the morning.