Tuesday 21st October

I woke early and then crashed back into bed and slept till 7:30am.
I stayed in bed for a while as I needed to rest a bit after yesterday.
This little fellow was sitting outside my window when I opened the curtains.
I soaked some dates for muesli and some cashew nuts for cashew butter.
Figured out how to use the heat pump and got that going to take the chill off the house.
Then I went and tried to figure out what to wear for the day.
I had packed fairly randomly and the morning was a bit chilly so couldn’t decide.
Mahalia made up the muesli while I showered.
It was absolutely delicious 🙂
By this time the morning was running away on me and we had to run to catch our appointments.
I left Azzan to get on with his English and zipped Mahalia up to her orthodontist for her 11:30 session of teeth tightening!
Then back down to the CBD for my 11:30am appointment with Hitomi.
She trimmed and washed my hair.
Always good to have a tidy up – come out feeling a whole heap better after her magic fingers have done their stuff 🙂
Mahalia & I missed each other – she walked down to meet me and I went up to pick her up – duh!
Eventually tracked her down and zipped back to the house.
Left her there to carry on with school work and have lunch with Azzan.
She took a few fun photos before I left 🙂
I raced back into town and just made it for my 1pm counselling session.
Am never late and today was 1min late – typical – when you are close you are late and when you have to drive 3 hours to get there you arrive early!!
Had a good session but left feeling quite drained.
Popped into to see Nathan and pick up some stuff, he made me a fruit smoothie which I was going to take away but saw a couple of friends so stayed to drink it and chat with them.
Nice to stop for a few moments.
Then around the corner to visit a valuer and get some advise.
When I left there I received an email I needed to action quickly so I drove out to Richmond to deal with that at Ross’s.
Saw Shoshannah briefly, then zipped back to Tahunanui to pick up a parcel from Sally.
Arrived back at the house and discovered why Azzan had been calling me during the past few hours asking when I was going to be home.
He had made this delightful picnic on the front deck.
So we sat out in the sun at 5:45pm and enjoyed it.
And while we were enjoying our picnic Eden was at home enjoying hers 🙂
Love it when Marah sends me photos of her throughout the day, keeps us in touch when we away to often.
Chris popped in to help us sort a few issues.
He’s overseeing the house while the owners are away.
Good to chat with him for a while.
I was just coming in for dinner and Mahalia was like ‘Mum! Look!’
And of course I had to run for the camera.
Glorious sunset 🙂
Dinner was easy again – tacos and salad.
Azzan made an apple smoothie.
I’m sticking to my H2O tonight.
Got kids off to bed after we watched a movie.
It is a Robin William’s one that I had not heard of until I saw my bro had watched it.
‘Angriest Man in Brooklyn’.
Azzan didn’t really enjoy it, must say it was an ‘interesting’ story.
Trying to catch up on a few things here but bed is calling me so I think I will go find my pjs and pillows before I lose my glass slipper!

Monday 20th October

Woke to my last my last dawn at home for a while.
I had a good hour to shower and finish packing.
Got myself all sorted and heard a voice coming from the bedroom saying that he had woken up before the alarm clock.
It was 6:45am so I figured if Azzan was awake I should wake Mahalia as she takes way longer to get ready than the rest of us.
We got the car packed up, the house clean and tidy and the last load of washing on.
Closed up the house, squeezed into the car and we were gone before 8am.
We stopped off at Anson & Marah’s for an early morning visit.
Eden was not feeling the best so was being very Mum & Dad cuddly.
She was so funny when I took these photos.
She let me take this many..
Then her hand went up in objection saying ‘Stop Nonna! That’s enough!’
So I obliged and the phone was turned off.

It was nearing 9am and we needed to get on the road so there were lots of hugs goodbye and we trundled off up the road.
I was taking it very carefully as the car was loaded to the hilt.
The kids did not travel at all well.
Azzan was threatening to throw up un tip we got to Okiwi Bay and I forced him out of the car for a walk.
Mahalia developed a terrible headache on the side of her face/head and was incredibly miserable.
I found some painkillers for her but they didn’t seem to work for ages.
She went for a wander and lay on the beach at Okiwi Bay.
When I picked them both up they swapped seats, we diverted off to the store and got some ice blocks.
Azzan was feeling loads better by now but Mahalia was worse.
Nothing I could do be keep driving :-/

Finally we arrived in Nelson and navigated our way to our home for the next month.
Located the key and unloaded all our gear.
There is outside steps and inside stairs so we toted our bags etc up the steps.
The kids sorted out where everything was to go, Mahalia curled up on her bed and slept.
I left them to rest and headed into the city to get some jobs done.
I stopped off at Arrow Motels and picked up all our remaining gear, had a chat with Sally and then drove to Richmond.
Did a big fruit and vege shop at Benge & Co, grabbed a rice ball from the sushi shop for a late lunch on the run.
Spent the next hour with Ross getting paperwork done.
Picked Shoshannah up from school and drove back into the city.
We stopped off to pick up groceries and zipped back to the house.
Unloaded them all with the help of the kids who were by now rested and feeling lots better.
After carrying all the gear up the steps I discovered a back door and another driveway which I could have driven the car to and carried the gear directly into the house – duh!
Oh well, good exercise I suppose 🙂

We had to get a move along as the 3 kids had to be at Kip McGrath by 5pm.
I dropped them all off and then went to see Nathan.
Hadn’t caught up with him since he returned from Germany 3 weeks ago.
He had just finished work so we sat and had a good catch up.
He ordered me a delicious fruit smoothie which went down a treat as I was running on empty.
There are some glorious lilac trees outside Hangar 58 and they are all in flower at the moment.
Gorgeous colour and the scent is just glorious.
Had to run to pick up kids at 6:20pm.
They were all good, I organised the terms tuition timetable with Harriet and then we zipped up the hill to drop Shoshannah off at the Winnington’s.

By this time I was incredibly tired and just wanted to get back to the house and stop.
So I refused any pleas for socialising or shopping.
I was very glad we had brought out the leftover dinner from last night.
We heated it up and filled tacos and added fresh salady things to it.
The kids are so glad to have the Vitamix back again and after dinner they made a citrus smoothie, although Azzan was a bit over zealous with the citrus fruit and put in too much skin.
Mahalia added coconut milk and it was then actually rather good.
The evening sky was just lovely.
I think we are going to be rather happy here with this view 🙂

Sunday 19th October

I think I could fill a book with morning shots of the bay.
I love the light and the clouds and the patterns they form.
No morning is the same, and every morning changes so quickly that if you don’t grab the camera immediately you notice then its too late.
Seems between 6am and 7am at present is the best time to capture the morning light.
Shows summer is approaching fast.
When we were home last time it wasn’t even light this early.
 got up and spent some time updating my blog.
Find I am too tired to assimilate my thoughts at night so early morning is best.
Then the kids were up so we discussed the needs of the day – i.e. I gave them chores to do 😉
Then I lit the fire and had a soak in the bath with my book.
Am really loving the Kimchi Kiwis story. They have just entered North Korea on 5 motorbikes from the north!!
Hearing them describe Vladivostok makes me keen to add it to my bucket list of places to explore.
But I certainly am not inspired to travel the length of eastern Russia to get there!!
I’ll just plan on the plane or trans Siberian train option, much less dusty & muddy  😉

Mahalia had a phone call with Uncle Martin and then I had a quick chat.
Azzan had done everything he needed to do so I allowed him to rest and catch up on some ‘Big Bang Theory’ episodes he had missed due to being out dog searching.

Mahalia made crepes again but there was nothing to go on them so I improvised and spread them with pannacotta and fruit salad.
Then I felt sick :-/
Haven’t eaten anything sweet in so long, it is easy to avoid when you know how it makes you feel.
Made some scones to go with dinner.
I used spelt & rice flours with coconut oil and oat milk to mix.
Then sprinkled sesame & pumpkin seeds on top.
They look a bit more like slightly risen rock cakes so we shall see!

Cat and the French couple came down to say goodbye while I was having a long catch up with Jesika so Cat had a chat with her too.
Then it was hugs all round and they headed off to work for 10 days.

I went flat out and finished sorting through all the kids books.
The house must be groaning with relief at the weight I have removed from its piles.
I have taken 11 banana boxes off the shelves to sell and another 4 to give straight to Founders book fair, plus half our board games, all our cds and tapes.
Hows that for some extreme spring cleaning??
I still have some books left plus I have yet to go through the adult book shelves and the remaining home school books.
Better leave something to do over summer 😉

Seb, Phoebe & Sapphie arrived over mid arvo.
Phoebe went through some of the children’s books and took a big bag full.
Anson came in soon after and we had a good chat about some papers I needed him to look through.
He didn’t stay too long as he was pretty weary from the week away and all the traveling.
I cleared up soon after he left and we had dinner.
Don’t think Seb appreciated a dairy free meal 😉
But it was actually quite edible and tasty.
The scones went well with the humus.
Sapphie was rather tetchy and got worse as the day wore on, looks like more teeth are trying to surface as she was obviously in pain.
She is sporting 3 wee white teeth now.
After tea we loaded up all the stuff they were taking back and then they took their wee darling off home to hopefully sleep!
I carried on with cleaning up all the leftover food and getting the kitchen sorted.
Sent Mahalia off to get her bag packed.
Then Marah arrived.
She was tired, I was tired, so we both crashed out on the sofa and had a good old chinwag.
Loads to catch up on.
It was really good to have time to talk about everything.
We have been away and they have been away so haven’t really connected properly for ages.
She finally took off home around 9:30pm and I carried on packing my bags.
Hope to get away from here by 8am tomorrow as we have a busy day in front of us.

Saturday 18th October

I woke up somewhere in the far too early hours again this morning.
And in that waking I was reaching out and hoping to find the arms that I needed to have wrapped around me, the warm body to snuggle in close to.
Then I became cognizant that 20 months ago today was the last time he held me in the dawn, the last time I heard that early morning croaky voice, the last time he held me in the safety of our bed when the crazy busyness of life wasn’t interrupting our every sentence.
The last time when we shared our hearts.
People tell me that it will get better, the missing will get less.
For me the missing has become a resigned yearning.
But what really is the difference?
He is still absent from me, absent from our family, absent from our children.
We are all heartbroken, pining, missing him intensely.
Maybe we can talk about him more easily now, in that detached protective way you develop to cover the raw wound of grief, but I see the heartache in all my kids not in their words but in their faces and in their very core of being.
So don’t anyone try and tell me it gets better.
Over time we develop mechanisms to cope, busy lives to cover, and armour to deflect the arrows which open the wounds and allow our vulnerability to escape when we lest expect it.
The tears get bottled and put up on a shelf and you only allow the precious few to share them with you.
The missing DOES NOT get less.
We just grow bigger and stronger.

I decided, made the choice, to get up and spend my day being busy.
It was an easy decision this morning as I had a long list of things I wanted to accomplish.
So I was showered and dressed and in the kitchen long before the kids were up.
We are eeking out the last of our fresh fruit and veges – I under estimated how much we would need this week – but its all good, we won’t starve there’s back up food in the freezer and pantry.
I used our last leek and made a leek and tomato casserole for tonights dinner.
I cooked up a large meat dish of beef mince casserole with onions, tomatoes, celery leaves, and carrot for Sunday dinner.
Then I made two apple & apricot crumbles – one small for tonight and large one for Sunday when the others join us for dinner.
I cut up the remaining 3 potatoes and some kumara into chips and pre boiled them in preparation for roasting tonight.
I made a fruit smoothie for breakfast, pineapple, feijoa, banana & kale – the children were up by now and enjoyed it muchly.
Mahalia took hers and went up to ask Cat something – that took her nearly two hours!
Azzan washed the ranch slider windows for me, but when he had finished I was busy on the phone with a distraught friend and he took off up to see Cat too so I never saw him for the rest of the morning!
I had a list of things in my head needing to be done before we leave so I wrote them all down and when the kids appeared they got stuck in and crossed most of them off.
I sat in the sun on the deck for half an hour and chatted with Phillipa – nice to get some Vit D.

When the kids finally returned Azzan finished cleaning his room and put his packed bag into the car and then vacuumed the bedrooms.
Mahalia helped me make up the rest of the rice paper rolls for lunch.
Because I only had a certain amount of veges left I cut them up and we did a chain gang factory like production to ensure there was enough for all 7 rolls.
They were delicious.
We were only just finished when Sandra & Phil steamed into the bay.
Dishes were done and then all the rubbish removed and Cat assisted Azzan in the burning off it all.
There were several loud explosions which I know would’ve caused Azzan great delight.
Hence the reason me asking Cat to help him!!
Sandra came up and left Phil to potter on the boat so we could have some girl time which was really lovely.
I was so tired and ready to just sit for a while.
I made up a pot of Pina Colada herb tea – it was so good we topped up the pot again and drank it dry twice.
Maybe it was all the talking 😉
Sandra went through all the cds that I am throwing out and took a large bag home with her.
Nice to know she will be enjoying them.
Also one less bag of stuff for me to take to town 😉
While we talked we did our nails and had fun trying out various creams etc.
Mahalia was going to give us a manicure but Cat invited her and Azzan to go up the hill with her and have driving lessons.
That was a hard call for her, but we assured her that she could give us manicures another time and she happily headed off.
Our two allotted hours flew past and it was all too soon 4pm and Phil was coming up the path to retrieve his good woman.
And I really mean that – she is one good woman.
She has been a constant friend to me since I arrived here nearly 37 years ago.
We’ve been through a lot together and I so value your friendship my special next door friend xxx
We hugged goodbye till next time – and I hope it won’t be too long till then – and I watched them head off from the deck.
I put the chips in the oven to roast along with the leek casserole, mixed up some pannacotta to cool for dessert and then carried on with some sorting in the office.

The kids arrived back glowing with excitement.
Mahalia had driven the truck all the way up the hip and all the way back down again and Azzan had driven it right over tot he tailing yards.
They were buzzing 🙂
I said to Hali that if she can drive that thing then she will be able to drive anything!!

We were all hungry so I poached some eggs – thanks Phoebe for coming to our rescue!
Azzan went up and brought down a wheelbarrow of wood and Halia helped load it into the bin by the fire.
But in so doing she dropped a large piece on the side of her foot 😦
She was crying from the pain so the frozen peas were found and Azzan made her a bed on the sofa with pillows to elevate her foot.
Such a shame as she had been having a lovely day till then.

We crashed out on the sofa with her and ate dinner while watching The Big Bang Theory.
Azzan took off with Cat to go look for one of the dogs who has gone missing during their walk this arvo.
Finally we dragged ourselves off to my bedroom and Mahalia helped me go through my clothes, hanging up dresses while I put away everything else and decided what I needed to take to town for the next couple of months.
It’s a bit of a mission because it is Spring and the weather can be so fickle that you need to cover all bases and I am trying not to transport too much.
Got two phone calls at the same time so called Mahalia to phone Shoshannah back and I settled in for a good chat with Estelle.
Then Shoshannah called me back, and then I finished packing!
So it was close on 11pm before I was able to get into bed.
Long day, but productive.
As I said, keeping busy helps.



Friday 17th October

Woke this morning to a really grotty day.
It rained and blew all morning – didn’t clear till probably mid arvo I think.
It was very heavy for a while – kept a watch across the bay to see if Cat was approaching.
Was very glad the kids had not gone out with her yesterday.
It would’ve been really miserable for them.

Nicky called up for a chat – an hour later I was still in bed!
Up to get things moving.
Sorted through the firewood bin and managed to find enough pieces of wood short enough of the fire.
Got the fire going – wanted to make sure I was going to get a hot shower today!
Finally got Mahalia moving to come and do last nights dishes then she made crepes for lunch – we had no eggs until Phoebe sent some around on the mailboat – so Mahalia improvised and used coconut milk.
They were very tasty – I had some for lunch with apricots 🙂
That made another huge mess on the bench, in the midst of which she took off up to see Cat, so the mess did not get cleaned up until dinner time.

Azzan & I spent the morning going through more rooms and sorting more stuff.
I cleared the alcove off the kitchen and it is filling up with stuff to go out to the op shop.
I am downsizing and cleaning out as much as I can – I have far far too many encumbrances in my life.
It feels so good to be so ruthless.
Finally got in the shower just before midday!
Cat arrived back in the midst of the storm.
The mailboat blew in – great to be here to receive our bag again.

I was messaging with these happy ladies today.
Marah & Eden had just woken up from a nap – aren’t they both just lovely?
Anson was out white-baiting – he’s learning new skills while visiting the West Coast relies 🙂

Dinner tonight was very easy – Azzan cut up cucumber, carrots, capsicum, tomatoes into sticks, mashed up avocado, added tuna, tahini & cashew nut butter and we made our own rice paper rolls.
I had steamed some asparagus and Azzan had fried up a bit of onion but we forgot them both until we had made our rolls so I added them as a side.
Mine weren’t really the perfect rolls you see in the glossy cookbooks, but they were very filling and extremely tasty and that’s the main thing.  🙂
Watched some more of The Big Bang Theory – it really is a great way to finish the day with a good laugh 🙂

Thursday 16th October

Woke early to a stunning mirror like bay.
Lay in bed for a while until the kids woke up.
I tend to get busy in the mornings and then it is all of a sudden close on midday before I get to find clothes and shower.
Today I gave the kids a couple of chores to do and then went to have a hot bath just after 11am.
I am making the most of being able to soak with magnesium sulphate (Epsom Salts) in a hot bath while home as they are very relaxing and it is a good way to absorb magnesium into the body.
Plus I get time to lie back and read my book 😉

We spent the day sorting books and games.
The kids just took things quietly as they have not been feeling too well.
Mahalia’s head cold is improving but they are both really wiped out.
So we are just cruising quietly.
They went through all the board games and made sure the ones we are selling are complete.
Azzan got stuck on a Where’s Wally jigsaw.
Neither of us are that keen on jigsaws but I got him to put it on a tray and we three completed it together while having lunch.
It was actually rather fun 😉

I made kumara & celery rosti for lunch.
Did some improvisation to create a dairy free meal with a nearly bare pantry – served it with tahini instead of cheese, poached egg, spinach, slices of tomato & capsicum and baby beetroot.
It was delicious and the rosti was really good and so simple.
Will definitely be making that again.

Cat went off sailing/hunting overnight on ‘Vision’ with her French friends.
The kids declined the invitation to accompany them due to not feeling 100% plus knowing we still have a to to do in next 3 days.
Seb & Ritchie arrived back from their few days away working.
Gorgeous day to be out on the water.

I got stuck in and photographed heaps of books and board games and then boxed up what I could and loaded them into the back of the car.
It is a great feeling to be lightening my load here.

Tonight the sky came in really angry with really big interesting layers of clouds.
Looked so majestic!
Azzan made Pad Thai for dinner.
It was very tasty but a trifle overdone.
He did a great job for a first attempt, will make sure I offer some slower guidance next time.
While he was cooking it I called my bro Murray over in WA for a chat.
Hadn’t caught up with him in ages so was good to talk for a while.
We watched some ‘Big Bang Theory’ and then headed off to bed.



Wednesday 15th October

We were all up reasonably early and after I had my shower I made Egg Crepes for breakfast.
They didn’t look anything like the ones in Dr Libby’s book!
But they tasted pretty good so I guess that’s the main thing 🙂
Mahalia has not been very well.
She has a head cold and is very lacking in energy.
Understandably we are all tired, lots off ‘on the go’ stuff in the past months.
I was wanting to start listing some of the children’s books today, but the effort was all a bit much.
The boxes of books sat on the table all day :-/

I was doing alright and then an email arrived which plummeted me.
It was nothing major, well actually it was to me,  not the news I had been expecting, needing or wanting.
All the frustration, loneliness, angst, grief all came welling up and I just cried and cried.
Seems that it is not taking much at the moment to tip me over.

Cat and her French friends arrived back on ‘Vision’ mid morning.
They had had a wonderful few days camping around D’Urville Island but the hunting was zilch.
The weather has been flat calm up until today, fickle winds made it hard to sail home this morning.
They were all tired and wanting showers so they headed straight up the hill after quick greetings.

Mahalia made broccoli salad for lunch and we needed to make a mayonnaise to go with it.
As we are low on eggs it had to be eggless, so I googled and found an egg free recipe which used coconut butter.
Then followed the directions to make the coconut butter so she did.
Most delicious it was too 🙂

Phoebe arrived with Sapphire.
Lovely to see them both 🙂
It was such a gorgeous day and much warmer outside than in so we went out on the deck and the kids blew bubbles for Sapphie.
She’d never experienced bubbles before so wasn’t too sure about them.

Its lovely to be home to see the wisteria flowering around the railings of the deck.
So pretty.
Uncle Zani was finding the babe a bit on the heavy side!!

Phoebe put Sapphie in the backpack and they went off for a walk with Azzan.
He took the bucket of food scraps up to the pig on the way.
They walked right round to Te Kopi and back.
Quite a mission with a jiggling weight on your shoulders!
Mahalia found a deliciously comfortable place to rest up for a while.

They were away for an hour or so.
Apparently her royal highness was loving the walk around there but not at all happy on the return!
I managed to get some smiles out of her by playing peek-a-boo 🙂
While we strapped her into her seat Azzan ran up and got some grapefruit for Phoebe and then they headed off back home.
Azzan cut up some carrots to steam and we had them for dinner with broccoli salad and the left over rice & beans.
Watched some more of The Big Bang Theory.
Mahalia made a smoothie which didn’t turn out right so she froze it in ice cubes to add to others later.
I finally began taking photos of the books before I left the kitchen.
Nothing like taking all day to get to accomplish what you set out to achieve first thing in the morning!

The kids were both very quiet and sorrowful tonight.
We are all struggling at the moment.
Sometimes it’s hard to put it in words and hugs and cuddles suffice.
I so desperately needed to feel Tim’s arms around me tonight as I cried myself to sleep.

Shanni summed it up perfectly with this quote today –
It’s not the kind of sadness where you cry all the time, but more like the sadness that overwhelms your entire body, leaving your heart aching and your stomach empty. Making you feel weak and tired. And yet you can’t even sleep cause the sadness is in your dreams too. It’s almost a sadness you can’t escape…………. I miss you Daddy


Tuesday 14th October

Woke up after a very vivid dream which I promptly forgot, and a splitting headache so stayed in bed for a while.
A sea fog closed in and the bay was invisible, cloaked in whiteness.
After an hour it all cleared away to display a gorgeously sunny blue sky day.
Azzan came in at 8:30am full of beans demanding that we begin sorting stuff.
I was in tears at the thought, he came and gave me a big hug and shoulder massage and then brought in a pot of herb tea and this delicious fruit platter.
I sat up on my pillows and ate whilst watching a very exuberant pod of dolphins porpoising across the bay just outside my window.
Mahalia came to say good morning looking prettily springlike 🙂
I got up to have a bath but the water was not terribly hot despite Mahalia getting the fire going.
I had a tepid bath and read my book, Mahalia kindly boiled the kettle and added several lots of hot water for me.
Then Azzan and I began sorting out the children’s books, of which I have many!
We put them all into sets and now the job begins to sell them.
Mahalia made some scones and I made a fruit smoothie for lunch.
I went out for a wander in the garden and ended up spending an hour or so weeding.
Weeded the whole rock garden.
There was a creeping weed with pretty pink flowers strangulating everything.
Thankfully it was easy to pull off. Now the plants can breath.
Got a real good sweat up! Azzan went out and shifted some of the weeds for me afterwards.
Then he cut potato chips for dinner and roasted them with fresh rosemary and garlic.
Mahalia went round to check on Anson’s dogs and gave them some biscuits.
Dinner was amazingly delicious. Using a recipe from thelifeplan – Leek & Tomato Salad, I made our version of it.
The idea originated from Jamie Olivers recipe.
I just used less balsamic, more leeks and a can of whole tomatoes as raw tomatoes at the mo down here are sorta rare!
It was sooooooo good. We enjoyed it with Azzan’s chips and steamed asparagus.
We watched some more of The Big Bang Theory.
Some of the scenes just made me roar with laughter 🙂
Azzan washed the dishes, deep and heavy discussions ensued 🙂
Mahalia telling her bro to shut up and that she is not interested and to stop talking about the subjects he loves to focus on and she doesn’t.
Azzan responds – ‘No one want’s to listen to this information in my head I have to get out.’
Bed soon after 9pm.

Monday 13th October

It’s lovely to wake up to this view again.
It was so quiet out on my deck, just the waves gently lapping the shore.
No other sound.
Total serenity 🙂
I knew Anson was coming around earlyish to pick up stuff to take out to town with them so I got myself up and started making dinner.
Browned chicken legs, onions & capsicum and put them in the slow cooker with some cans of chill beans.
Set them on to cook for the day.

Anson arrived just before 7:30am with his wee lady.
It’s really cool cuz even though we have been away for so much this year Eden still comes to me with open arms and is ready for a cuddle.
We took some selfies on my phone while Anson was busy.
She could see herself 🙂
They loaded up and waved goodbye and headed off to pick up Marah.
They are having a week away with Marah’s family which is lovely for them.

The kids spent the morning sorting stuff in their rooms, dragging out things they don’t want to the living room for me to deal with!
I finally ran myself a bath and soaked in there with my new book Kimchi Kiwis – Motorcycling North Korea.
So far it is a very easy and gripping read.
So good in fact, I think I will have to follow this by some more of Jo & Gareth Morgan’s adventures 🙂

Seb & Ritchie arrived up in ‘Tardis’ to pick up some mussel ropes.
Seb came up for a chat while Ritchie carried on with some other work.
Then they left and we got dinner underway.
Seb & Phoebe arrived with Sapphie at 4pm.
We planned an early dinner because Seb is heading off at 4am tomorrow morning to begin a long few days out seeding mussels in some far away bays.
Sapphie arrived looking like a wee princess 🙂
She’s a little character.
Takes her a wee while to suss us all out and then she was happy to dance and smooge with Uncle Zani.
She is such a wiggle.
Doesn’t stop for a minute.
She loves to dance.
When Phoebe puts on certain music she gets very excited and her little legs kick around and she bobs and bounces in time to the music 🙂
She loves to dance with her Daddy to ‘I love you baby
We had our chicken casserole with brown rice for dinner.
Mahalia made up some small apple & pineapple pies and I made a custard from coconut milk to go with it.
It was delicious.
Talked some more about business and future etc.
So many thoughts and ideas.
Could be confusing, but am throwing everything into the mix and not rushing decisions at all.
It is too big to act quickly or rashly.
Sapphie was getting tired so they took off home around 8pm.

Sunday 12th October

I stayed in bed for a while catching up on some stuff.
Azzan decided we needed to sort through all the board games so they are now all stacked on the kitchen table waiting for me.
I seem to be feeling a slight sense of déjà vu ;-/
He and Mahalia sorted out all the clothes and Azzan did a huge clean up and buffed out several pieces of furniture.
Looks like I will have to start listing stuff on TradeMe!!
Spent the morning unpacking and getting loads of washing through.
It was a lovely blue skies and sunny day with a good breeze so the washing went out on the line.
I made it into the shower sometime around midday.
Was about to go visit Marah afterwards but she, Anson and Eden arrived while I was in the midst of my ablutions.
Anson fixed my back door for me and Azzan played with Eden on the trampoline.
She loved that.
Mahalia cooked up some lunch.
It was great to catch up with Marah & Anson, it’s been ages.
Finally Eden was too tired to be sociable so Marah took her home.
Anson stayed on as he had a heap of meat to cut up.
I had a bit of an emotional wipeout this arvo.
I have some really hard decisions to make and wish I didn’t have to.
Today they just all seemed too much.
I can’t be looking at what I would do if Tim were still here because he is not here.
I have to make the best decisions for me and my dependant children, cuz I am still responsible for them and their welfare for a few years yet, plus my own welfare for hopefully a lot more years.
Mahalia gave me a big supportive hug and let me cry on her shoulder.
That helped.
Azzan & I made dinner.
We had an enchilada packet so improvised and turned them into salmon enchiladas with added onion, capsicum & mushrooms.
They were cheeseless but I allowed some sour cream.
They were rather delicious.
Watched a few episodes of The Big Bang Theory.
I fell asleep during one of them.
So we are all off to bed now.
Just as we left the living room the kids realised the clocks were still set to pre daylight saving time so it was not 7:30pm at all.
8:30pm is a bit more of a decent hour for them to be going to bed!!
Just sitting here quietly wishing this man of mine was waiting to hold me tonight.
Tears falling freely cuz I am so missing him right now.