Friday 19th June

The girls both had NMIT today so they were up and gone by 8:30am.
I had not a lot planned for the day so I wallowed in my bed until around 10am.
The puppy was let out and fed and Azzan carried on sleeping.
It was a much warmer morning.
In fact so much warmer there was no need to light the fire or turn on heatpumps.
Pleasant change.
I was intending on taking Caspian for a walk to the vets and have him weighed, so around 10:30 I headed to the shower.
I was doing the great debate of do I bother washing my hair today or leave it till tomorrow.
Decided to do it today.
Had just gotten in and was totally soaked from head to toe when the phone went.
It was work calling to see if I was available to come in asap.
So I raced back into the shower and completed my ablutions, through on clothes, gave Azzan an update and flew out the door.
Texting Shanni along the way – not as I was driving!
I had a lunch date set up with the girls to take them both shopping which I realised would probably have to be postponed.
Got to work at 11:10am and spent the following few hours sorting out a crisis.
It was good to have the input and assistance of several of the team who were coming and going as it was a tricky case.
I hadn’t had time to have any breakfast before leaving so I was getting really hungry by early afternoon.
A delightful lady bought in a coffee cake with pecans on the icing before I left.
Coffee cake!!
My goodness, hadn’t had that in years – it was so good!!
My stomach no longer ached from emptiness but from overload of deliciousness 😉
Finally got my part of things sorted and my report written up and was out of the office at 2:30pm.
Drove to meet Shanni who was wanting to show me her chair she had been building at carpentry this term.
My car was too small for it to fit into so after ascertaining that the tutor would be there for a bit longer we shot straight home and changed vehicles.
Came back in the Nissan to find the whole department locked up.
Frustrating to the max!
Nothing we could do so I took Shanni back home and swapped cars again.
She wanted to rest a while before heading off to work.
I met up with Mahalia in city centre, she’d gone to start looking for some winter jumpers.
We combed a few shops and finally came out with several that both of us were happy with 😉
Then I took the bag of Gavin’s stuff, he’d left it in our attic a few years ago, to the shipping company and spent half an hour packing it all into a box and getting it ready to send over to him in the UK.
I’d been getting quotes and trying to sort it out for several weeks so was very glad to finally get it all done and dusted!
Then we headed home.
I was sitting in the car after Mahalia got out, sometimes I like to just sit in the peace and quiet for a few moments before going indoors to the busyness of family, when a hand reached in and gave me my new eftpost card.
It was Ross!
He and Andrea had just arrived and I hadn’t seen them.
We had a lovely whirlwind visit, showed them all the new changes and additions, and before they left he unpacked and connected up my printer.
It all works great.
But after falling over so much junk to do it I really have to spend some time sorting stuff and getting rid of heaps, I am beginning to feel somewhat over crowded and hemmed in with all the boxes from home.
Andrea & Ross headed off to visit a friend at hospital.

Mahalia & Azzan had soup and buns for dinner.
I felt like something a bit more so roasted up a mix of veggies.
While they were cooking I watched some ‘Orange is the New Black’ and debriefed with Rebecca on the phone.
I remembered I hadn’t collected my neighbours mail so I zipped around the corner to get it and then Nick called up to tell me that our dear friend Chris had just died.
She was diagnosed with Motor Neurone disease only a few months ago.
I was so glad I had the opportunity to catch up with her one last time when I was last in Christchurch.
She will be sadly missed but she went joyfully to meet her Jesus with a huge smile and great anticipation 🙂

Katherine arrived to spend the night with Shoshannah.
They had fun cooking before heading off to bed.
I could hear them talking for ages so hope some sleep was had.


Thursday 18th June

Today it is 28 months since I last saw Timmy.
28 months since he hugged me goodbye and drove up the road.
28 long months of pain, anguish, grief, anger, heartbreak, hurt, misery, unanswered questions, pain, learning, grief, discovery, heartache, growth, anger, emotional distress, grief……
In amongst that grief there has been good things, some amazing adventures, laughter, support, finding out who my true friends are, new journeys, the bittersweet excitement at seeing the children developing and growing into young adults, finding our feet again……
Today I am surfacing from a few weeks in a dark tunnel.
Sometimes it seems relentless, the tunnel swallows me up when I am least expecting it and the light at the end seems to be so far away.
The sides so dark and squashing.
Today I smiled again, I had fun today, but underneath the smiles and the fun is a numbing heartache, an aloneness that no-one else can fill.
My dear and special far away friend Gail sent this to me this week.
And even though I know my sails are strong, sometimes that wind is a whole lot stronger and the memories won’t stop rolling down my cheeks 😦
So if you see me on one of those days, please don’t try and ‘fix’ me.
Just understand that it is my path that I am walking, muddling through, and I will walk at my own speed in my own way and time.
Just love me and mine as we each walk our own journeys through our own pain.
Thank you xxxx

Shanni had gone off to her work placement long before I made it out to the kitchen.
Hali headed off to NMIT, I wasn’t envying either of them as it was really cold this morning.
It was so chilly that I had both heat pumps going.
Then when Nathan emerged he got the fire cranked up and a good load of wood stacked inside, preparing for the onslaught of predicted bad weather.
Azzan wanted to go have lunch with Mahalia so he got his clothes sorted and into the wash, cleaned up his room, showered and made his lunch.
When I left he was looking his gorgeous self and ready to go hang with his sis and her friends.

I went and sorted out my hard drive issues at Warehouse Stationary and came out with two new ones.
Let’s hope they both keep going a darned sight longer than the previous ones.
Also found a printer on an extremely good deal so got one for Marah & Anson and after a chat with the salesman about mine, discovered that it is over 5 years old and running at twice the cost of this one.
So ended up taking the last two on the shop floor.
It was just too good a deal to leave there!
I then headed out to Richmond to meet up with Anson & Marah.
They were running a bit late so I went to miss out Farmers sale.
I have been realising that I have plenty of the thinner merino layers and lots of jackets and coats, but not much in the in between slightly thicker layer which is very necessary as we head into winter.
I found several tops and a scarf so when Anson called to say they were here I raced through the check out and went to find them.
They had only a few minutes to get to their appointment and walking with a toddler and carrying a baby seat takes a while, so I grabbed their keys and left them to toddle off up the street with their babies.
I transferred the printer into Marah’s car and then went to find them.
Eden had been a bit sad to see me arrive and then run off so she was very happy when Nonna reappeared.
She was delighted when I asked if she would like to come hang out with me.
Her parents were also delighted 😉
As I hadn’t had a chance to eat all day and it was now after 11am we walked along to Ambrosia and ordered some drinks and a savoury scone.
While we wait we had some selfie fun.
Eden loves phones – she is very adept with them!
She told me that the packets of sugar were ‘yuck’
Good girl!!
Then Nonna’s mocha and Eden’s fluffy arrived.
I didn’t know she had never had a fluffy before!
She was so cute.
She knew what to do with the chocolate fish.
Then the scone arrived – and it had bacon in it.
She knows what to do with bacon 🙂
I was meeting up with Phillipa at Wakatu Pomeroys when she finished work so we walked back to Mummy & Daddy.
Then while we were talking I got a text from Phillipa saying she was happy to meet at the mall so I tried to take Eden for another walk.
But by now she had found Marah’s wallet and she was totally engrossed in removing all the cards and reallocating them to new spaces.
We tried everything to shift her focus but to no avail.
There was no way she was going to come with me so I left them to it and met up with Phillipa.
We found a seat in Ginger Cafe.
Then soon after Anson arrived with Eden, and Marah with Aaliyah.
Anson decided to leave his girls with us for ‘half an hour’ while he went off to do another job.
Half an hour?
Yeah right!
It was fun for us but Marah found it all a bit stressful trying to keep a tired two year old occupied.
She had lots of fun tipping out the yucky sugar into a wee bowl, filling it with her water and spilling it all over the table and then mopping it up.
The mopping was the best part 🙂
The ladies at the cafe were lovely and didn’t seem too fazed by the mess.
I got a cloth from them and soaked up the worst of it.
Don’t ya just love the eyes?
Eden has the most amazing eyes xxxx
IMG_6825IMG_6827IMG_6829IMG_6831Finally Anson returned and gathered up his girls and they went off home.
Azzan called me in distress cuz Caspian was being naughty and wouldn’t come inside so he could leave for his Kip McGrath lesson.
I talked him through how to trick the puppy into coming in and we had success.
Then after he had locked the door he realised his school work was inside so another call to find out how to get back indoors.
I could hear that he was very stressed and was running short on time so I called up Nathan and he picked him up and took him there.
Thanks Natey xxx

Phillipa & I talked a while longer while I witnessed her passport applications, most exciting to hear their plans.
Then I drove back to Stoke.
I had some photos to drop in to Gilbert & Joan.
They were so thrilled to see me again so soon.
I chatted with them for a while and then had to make a hasty exit when Azzan called me.
He had finished his Kip McGrath lesson and it was miserable outside so he was asking if I could pick him up.
Mahalia, the ever stoic one, had left earlier and walked on home.
I found him waiting in the cinema where it was warm and dry and there was plenty to absorb him while he waited for me.
Back to the house and I helped Azzan get dinner prepared.
He slammed the for on his hand so I ended up finishing the meal.
Mira & Mahalia took Caspian for a run around the block.
I tried on my new tops to show Mahalia.
She approved of each one!
Reckoned I had made some great choices.
Super approval from my super 15 year old fashion plate.
I must be doing well 😉

Then after dinner Mahalia went off babysitting for an hour.
I watched a few episodes of ‘Nashville’ with Shanni and then went off to bed.

The bad weather is really bombing many areas of New Zealand today.
Hokitika has been flooded really badly.
There is snow down very low all over the lower South Island.
And then the horrendous news that a 21 year old invaded a Charleston church and shot 9 people dead.
Far too much tragic news tonight.
Did a bit of a catch up on watching ‘Lost & Found’ then drifted off to sleep far far to late.






Wednesday 17th June

I woke up at 4am.
The type of waking up that says no way are you going back to sleep so you may as well do something!
So I caught up on my blog posts.

I found this lovely card beside my bed.
Mahalia had crept in and left it after I fell asleep last night.
It made me cry – and you make me happy too sweet girl.
Later when I was just out of the shower I had to hoof it along and get my car moved so Mira could take her car out to the garage in Richmond and hitch a ride back with Nathan.
Juggled the cars and then enjoyed a quiet morning here.
Devoured a large bowl of fresh fruit and porridge while watching some ‘Orange is the new Black’.
I’ll  be so glad when I have caught up so I can get something else done 😉
Actually it is very timely as I really need to rest up and blob out as much as possible at the moment.
It has been a rough week or so and I seriously need to undertake some serious self care.
I was waiting for a TradeMe buyer to come at 11am to pick up some lights I had sold, but they didn’t arrive until 11:30am which put my afternoon schedule a bit behind.
Once they had gone I left Nathan to walk Caspian and I drove out to Stoke to find some very dear old friends who have moved into Summerset Village.
It is a huge complex and took a bit of slow driving as I searched for their unit.
They were absolutely delighted that I had come to visit.
It was so cool to see them both, but I was shocked at how much they had aged since I last saw them.
They were living just around the corner from here but were abruptly shifted about a year ago by their family who wanted them to be in care so they could go overseas and not have to worry about them.
They are still reeling from the speed of the transition even though it was probably a good move.
My heart really went out to them – and if my kids ever do anything like that to me I will be kicking and screaming so loud no rest home will take me!!

I had a lovely hour with them and then had to buzz off to meet up with Shanni and her driving instructor.
I waited outside Waimea College only to discover that I really needed to be back in town so he didn’t have to back track for me to get my car afterwards.
So I wiped back along the motorway and arrived about 5 minutes before them.
I sat in the back for half an hour and observed his teaching and saw what he was wanting Shanni to work on.
She is doing well but he reckons she needs another 10 hours of practising until she is ready to sit her Restricted license.
I am really wanting to help her get through her licence but I’m struggling with my fear of being in the passengers seat.
Even whilst sitting in the back knowing that he was in charge my stomach was in knots and I was physically feeling sick during most of the lesson.
Shanni & I sat and watched some of her series ‘Nashville’ while we ate a late lunch.
Nice to just sit and relax with my girl for a while.

Anson & Azzan arrived around 4pm.
Azzan was looking weary but had had a great time.
He was so happy.
Before he left Anson handed me a bare leg of mutton which I had to carry across the street looking like a total carnivore!!
Gave it to Nathan who immediately cut it up and put a large piece to roast in the oven.
I left him to unpack and make his bed and I headed into town to sort out Anson’s rego etc.
It is too hard to take a large trailer through the middle of town.
I was about to go do some window shopping when Mahalia called to ask if anyone was free to pick her up from rowing.
We had some time before the shops closed so I went to check out Max sale on winter jumpers.
Tried on a couple but didn’t want to pay the price for the one I liked until I have looked further afield.
We got a mocha each from Starbucks and then went back home.
Dinner was still a ways from being ready and Shanni was at work so Mahalia & I decided to take Caspian for a walk.
It was cold and dark but we had lots of fun.
Walked around a few blocks, Mahalia & Caspian ran some of it and exhausted themselves, I walked and arrived home feeling great.
It is good to feel like I’m coming out the end of a dark place.
Shanni arrived back soon afterwards and we all had dinner together.
Then I crashed out and Mahalia cleaned up the kitchen.

Tuesday 16th June

I was still feeling fuzzy and achey this morning so took it really easy.
Everyone went off to work and school so I just stayed in bed.
It was a chilly morning but a lovely sunny day eventuated.
I fed Caspian and let him out to run about and bark at shadows and people passing by while I had a good soak in a bath with Epson Salts.
Cleaned up the kitchen, and tried to resurrect my very burnt soup pot.
Am letting it soak with Baking Soda to try and lift it off – it’s going to be a major job methinks 😦
Then cleaned up the kitchen shelf unit and buffed out some stuff.
Ran out of energy so retreated with a bowl of porridge into the lounge.
Snuggled up under blankets and watched a few episodes of ‘Orange is the new Black’.
Then I pulled myself off out into the sunshine and took Caspian for a walk around the block.
I didn’t have time to go any further and he was rather disappointed to be back at our gate half an hour later.
Mira were here, in and out all day, Nathan was  home from work and heading off to his evening German lessons.
Shanni arrived home as I was leaving.
She had a short time to eat and change and walk to work.|

It was a lovely afternoon.
Good to be outside if you were wrapped up warmly!
The colourfully warm autumn leaves belying the chilly air temps.
I had a voucher for a ‘Luxurious Winter Warmer Treatment incl. 75-Minute Massage & 30-Minute Facial’ with Sarah from Gaia Journeys who is now working out of the Loveday Clinic.
It was very timely that I had a booking for this afternoon, especially with the post migraine ache etc.
Sarah was lovely.
She had me completely relaxed and she said I slept through a lot of the treatment.
I rolled out of there feeling a lot better.
I had a short time before picking up Mahalia so I shot back home.
Turned on the heaters, made sure Caspian was alright, he was looking a bit lonely with no-one inside with him.
I was really hungry as I hadn’t eaten much all day so I went down and got some fish & chips to munch on while waiting for Mahalia to finish Kip McGrath.
She was happy to polish off the remaining chips after her lesson 🙂
Then back home.
Mira had cooked up a past meal – looked good but I couldn’t face anything right then.
Shanni arrived back from work soon after.
I got the fire lit and cleaned up the dinner.
Put everything into the fridge cuz I am tired of coming out to the kitchen int he morning and finding pots and pans with half eaten dinner in them!
I was so weary I took myself straight off to bed and had my light out before 9pm.
Unheard of for me!

Monday 15th June

I didn’t have anything major on this morning so wallowed in my bed until I received a call just before 8am.
I had called in a service man last week when one of the heat pumps wasn’t working.
He was supposed to give me an hours warning, but he was just around the corner and ready to come.
I put him off for half an hour and raced through the shower.
He was very helpful, checked it out, found the water pipe was unglued so maybe that was where the water was pouring out from last week.
He wired it tight again and then gave me some tuition on how to set the timer and how and when to clean the filters.
Not having had a heat pump before I hadn’t known that you need to clean the filters at all, let alone every fortnight!
Also had a chat with him about the placement of the kitchen one because I have been thinking that it was installed in the wrong place.
He agreed and said he hadn’t wanted to put it there, but the previous owners had other plans which obviously didn’t eventuate.
So he gave me a quote on shifting it to a more user friendly place, which I will do when I have some funds to action it.

I have been trying to get time to prune the unwanted growth from the lemon tree for a few weeks, so this morning I got stuck into it.
Also pulled up a heap of weeds.
Then loaded them all into the wheelbarrow and transported them to the wheelie bin.
I didn’t manage to get it all done before the bin was emptied this mooning which was a bummer as it was only half full.
But the job is done and there are buds forming on the tree so we can anticipate lemons soon 🙂
I rubbed my eye before washing my hands and there must’ve been some residue from the weeds which reacted.
My eye started stinking and was all red and sore.
I gave it a wash which calmed it a weeny bit but it took hours to wear off.

Nathan unloaded the car of pumpkins etc.
Then I moved vehicles so I could unload the Nissan.
I managed to unload most of the boxes and then Nathan helped carry the treadmill in.
I am feeling rather overwhelmed and out of sorts at the large pile of boxes I have to unpack and sort and get rid of.
I really didn’t want to do the love this way, but it has ended up the easiest at the other end.
So I guess I will ave to rally some energy and enthusiasm somehow and get them sorted before the mess of stuff does my head in.
The butternuts Nathan brought home were all seconds so he attacked them with a knife and got rid of most of the bad parts and stacked up the boxes of them at the back door for us to eat our way through.

I was so weary that I took time to rest after all of this.
A headache began forming and within a very short time a migraine was threatening.
I don’t often get them much these days, usually my headaches stem from back and neck problems.
But this was a front of the head, throbbing in the forehead & sick in the stomach migraine.
I took some Nurofen and then drove to counselling.
ML took one look at me and lay me on the floor with blanket and pillows and talked me through some relaxation.
It helped a lot and I left feeling a tad better.
She wanted me to go straight home to bed but I had a meeting to attend and I felt it was important to be there so I carried on.

It was bitterly cold as I walked down the street to the SASH meeting.
The sky to the east was like a watercolour painting.
I couldn’t stop the car before hand to get the best view – it was absolutely stunning and threatening at the same time.

It was a long meeting so didn’t get home till around 8pm.
Even though I wasn’t feeling well I was glad I went.
I collapsed straight into bed.
Shanni had cooked dinner tonight but I just couldn’t face food.



Sunday 14th June

I was awake well before my 6am alarm.
So had plenty of time to get ready.
Made some lunch and then cruised off in the Nissan.
It was still dark as I drove up Trafalgar Street.
Picked up Sarah-Jane and we were outa town.
The sun was just rising as we approached Okiwi Bay.
And soon afterwards the sun began blinding me for a lot of the trip home!
It was a gorgeous day with perfect views.
So glad as it was the first time Sarah-Jane had ever been out our way.
View from top of Elaine Bay looking NE.
Looking east across Te Whitinui Reach.
Then above Okuri Bay looking north through French Pass the sun was once again blinding my driving.
Our boundary cattle stop.
Our farm – looking so incredibly green & lush.
As we had made really good time despite the blinding sun slowing me considerably, I detoured up the airstrip and along to the tailing yards to show Sarah-Jane the views.
It was rather breezy on top.
Anson & Azzan were mustering with Possum & Kim.
We found their trucks but they were way out of sight somewhere so we headed down to the house.
Anson had the fires blazing so it was nice and cosy.
I chucked on some more wood as he had requested so the mutton chops would be cooked for their lunch.
I made a cuppa and we sat and relaxed for a while.
Eventually the crew arrived in.
They were all ravenous from their morning exercise so lunch was on the table fairly fast.
Very basic, fried mashed potato and roast chops with bread & butter.
I had made some wraps so demolished those.

It is so good to see Azzan happy down here again, helping Anson and doing bloke things.
I’ve been trying to get him down as often as possible because once he starts school he won’t have the same opportunities.
He’s really been happy to spend time with his big brothers over the past months.
He sent me a text the other day which was really cool…
‘Whoa!! Just had a walk around the farm. I’m finally realising how beautiful it actually is.
It’s hard when you never noticed it when you’re there but when you’re actually not there anymore you realize how lucky you were to live on such a beautiful place.’

The kids had requested I bring out the treadmill so I woman handled it out to the car and with some help from the guys managed to load it in.
Then Anson carried out my last filing cabinet and it fitted neatly beside it.
Possum took Anson up the hill to get his truck and Sarah-Jane helped me to pack more stuff into the Nissan.
Azzan took my phone off as he wanted to take photos.
He eventually returned with a heap of very artistic shots.
This is my pick of them all.
He took S-J for a tiki tour while I finished loading.
Then at 3pm we were ready to roll.
It seemed really strange leaving so early in the day.
Olly came to say goodbye.
He was covered in winter coat and mud – poor neglected boy.
We need to find someone to love him.
Anyone out there interested?
He’s a great horse, just needs a strong rider to get him back on track.
We had a good trip out.
The sun had moved int he sky so was once again making things rather difficult on many corners :-/
Didn’t time that trip very well!
It was really good to have some company.
It made the journey easier for me.
It was dark when we arrived back in town.
I dropped S-J off and then went straight home.
I was too weary to unload anything tonight so just parked up and left it all.
Shanni had worked 9-1:30pm and Mahalia had gone to church with Mira in the morning.
Nathan & Mira had gone for an afternoon drive to Motueka and come back with a load of butternuts and apples.

Saturday 13th June

Mahalia was up early, she had to be at rowing at 7:30am.
I could hear her rushing about in the kitchen.
She hadn’t used her bike in a while and I had suggested last night that she should check the tyres.
Found her uneaten toast on the table and the bike pump in the washhouse so I figured I had been right in my assumptions 😉
Shoshannah had her first work day at The Wood Retirement Village today so she was up soon after.
She has to be there at 9am, and as it is only a 3 minute walk she can just roll out of bed and get ready nice and leisurely compared with her school mornings.
I was about to start making a potato salad when I discovered that my cousin Joel was visiting Nelson and was at the market.
So I left the potatoes to cool down and zipped into the city centre to catch up with him and meet his lady Mel.
Nice to see them for a few minutes – hopefully next time we can take time to do coffee 🙂
It was very windy this morning.
Lots of gaps in the stalls, and while talking with Belinda heard that her gazebo had gone flying earlier and broke a support leg.
So every time a wind gust blew through she would grab hold of the roof supports and hang on!
I zipped over to Himalaya to check out some slippers, but they weren’t in, instead found a 2nd hand tunic dress for $5 – best thing is that is is orange 😉
Then drove around to Warehouse Stationery and picked up a new backup hard drive which was on sale.
Back home to connect it up to my laptop and get the time machine working again.
Feels far too vulnerable not to have an effective back up happening.
I got the potato salad finished.
Left Caspian with Mira & Nathan.
Picked up Shoshannah from work at 1:30pm and drove on out to Richmond.
Spent the rest of the afternoon at David & Sasha’s bbq.
Seb & Phoebe had come out to it too so I got to spend some time with Sapphie which was lovely.
Twice in a week is a bit of a bonus.
People came and went so had a pleasant afternoon meeting new folk.
Shanni & I left around 5pm and drove to Tahunanui.
Stopped in to say hullo to John & Sally and Clare & Doris for a quick visit before dinner.
I dropped Shanni back home and then went off to fuel up the Nissan and get a few groceries so I was all ready for the morning.

Friday 12th June

The pager was quiet all night – great!
That means more sleep for me and the knowledge that hopefully less abuse is happening.
No, I cannot say that in such a sweeping statement.
It actually just means that it is not yet being reported.
The statistics are stacked to high against the probability of it declining 😦

Mahalia brought me a bowl of delicious nutrition to munch on in bed before she left for NMIT.

I had a couple of jobs to do so headed into town around 11am.
Called into Power Store to suss out the warranty on the heat pumps.
Just discovered this morning that one of them is seemingly not working.
Typical that on such a cold morning when we really need it, it is not functioning :-/
Got that all sorted and a technician teed up to come check it out on Monday.
Then back to Warehouse Stationery to talk to the pleasant IT shop assistant who actually seems to know something.
Finally decided that there is something seriously wrong with my portable hard drive and actioned sending it away to be check – thankfully under warranty.
Jo & Jeff walked in just as I was about to leave so I had a quick catch up.
Then I joined Gay & Susan at Devilles Cafe for morning tea.
I had a deliciously tart tamarillo torte and a mocha.
Sat outdoors which was nice.
But glad I had rugged up as the air temps were rather chilly.
It was nice to meet some other ladies.
I am still weary and fragile, but managed to successfully hold myself together and enjoy some socialising.
Then spotted Breeze leaving and discovered Jude was indoors.
So she brought her cup of tea out and joined me for a chat.
It was so good to see her.
Had a really good talk, a few tears escaped as they can & do when you feel safe enough to expose some vulnerabilities.
A real bonus to meet up with Jude & Jo this morning.
I really miss my ‘local’ friends.

I got back home at 1:30pm.
Martin & Sylvia came to visit.
It was good to have them, various kids came and went while they were here.
Mahalia bounced in just as they were about to leave so the energy levels hit a high note 🙂
Mira was on a split shift so she was in an out today.
Nathan was working tonight so he put together a large pot of soup for dinner, lunch or whenever.
It is ‘safe’ soup.
Made to be consumed by anyone in the house – free of dairy, wheat, yeast, almonds, meat, eggs, sugars………
Incredibly nourishing, full of veg chunks and barley etc.
I took a piece of salmon out of the freezer so Shanni cooked up rice and we had that with salad.
Left the soup for the vegetarians.
Mahalia’s energy levels collapsed not too long after she arrived home so she watched a movie.
We all skyped with Jesika & Evan.
They bought Shanni a gorgeous dress online for her graduation dance but when it arrived her this week it was not at all like the picture.
So disappointing.
But she has time to shop around as her school dance is not for another 4 months.
I left Mahalia to clean up the kitchen and sort the puppy for the night.
I snuggled up in my bed and watched some more of ‘Orange is the New Black’.

Thursday 11th June

Began my pager time this morning.
Stayed in bed late and hoped it would be all quiet – it was 🙂

The day was very chilly.

Actually cannot remember too much more about the day.
Still in recovery so taking it slow as possible.

Except Azzan and I went out in the afternoon.
I did a couple of jobs in town and then we drove up to Nelson College around 4pm.
The uniform shop was open so we went to get hm outfitted.
Next term is coming round very quickly – in fact it is only 5 1/2 weeks until Azzan begins at Prep.
He is very excited.
There were two ladies at the shop assisting us.
They were very helpful.
I was incredibly grateful that there were enough good quality, well priced second hand clothes and that Azzan was happy to wear them.
We did get some new items, he was most excited to find they had school beanies and scarves 🙂
The actual trying on part was very trying and tiring for him.
His enthusiasm was boundless once we got outside.

Wednesday 10th June

Azzan & I shot out the door early.
Called into Crusoes and picked up morning tea.
Spent most of the day through at Ross’s at a business meeting.
He had summoned me and the boys and their respective partners/wives to what hopefully will be a regular meeting.
The three little people were there too.
Azzan & Caspian helped to entertain them.

It was good to sit and go through things and discuss where we are all at and where the companies are going etc.
Anson & Marah had to leave at midday so Azzan went with Marah to help her with Eden while she did the groceries.
The rest of us had coffee and muffins and continued with the meeting.
Sapphie and Caspian had fun.
Before we left Ross was sorting some things for Seb.
I turned around to find Sapphie on his chair saying ‘Roos, Roos’ as she attempted to sort out his paperwork and laptop 🙂
Then she found his binoculars.
‘Bye bye’ as she proceeded to head out the door 🙂
Funny wee girl 🙂

I had to be back in town so we packed up, Anson dropped Azzan back to me and we got back home and had half an hour before Mahalia arrived in from school.
Then I zipped her to rowing and I had a meeting with her coach discussing where to from here.
It’s all very busy and intensive if she decides to carry on.
She wants to so its going to be a good test of her time management skills and her physical fortitude.

I then went straight to SASH for our meeting and supervision.
A pretty intense time, lots going on.
We have a new supervisor so it took a while to feel comfortable with her.
But I think she will be good.

Got home and found that no-one had cooked dinner.
It was Nathan’s night but he had gone to work and decided everyone could have leftovers from the fridge.
The kids had snacked so weren’t hungry as such, but were questioning me as I walked in the door as to who was s’posed to be cooking and where was dinner.
I totally lost the plot.
Figured that somewhere somehow I had taught my kids to have initiative and responsibility and tonight they had all failed miserably.
I threw a total spanner and ended up curled up on the end of my bed sobbing my heart out in frustration and exhaustion.
Felt like I had failed miserably as a mother too.
Being a solo parent was not something I signed up for.
I know I have no choice than to deal with it, but I don’t have to like it.
Going it alone sucks and at times like this I get really angry with Tim for leaving me.
Not a great ending to the day 😦