Friday 22nd January

Shoshannah and I both had early appointments so we were up around 7am.
Juggled the cars out the gate and left Caspian guarding a sleeping Azzan.
Shanni went off to her 8am Defensive Driving practical test which went well thankfully.
I had a 7:45am physio session booked.
Most of it was spent discussing my shoulder injury and how to progress on from here.
She had an excellent sports physio reference book with the clearest pictures I have ever been shown.
So good to be able to see exactly what the experts are talking about.
I have a fairly good grasp of anatomy but when all the large names of ligaments and muscles roll off their tongues I often struggle to keep up!
She has referred me on for a scan and X-ray of my shoulder so we can find out what exactly is going on.
Then we might have something more specific to work with.
Then for the last part of the appointment she did some releasing massage on my back to give me some relief until next week.
During our time there was some things discussed that set off some triggers and tears began to well up from down deep.
Kept them in check, but as usual they just sit under the surface, waiting…….
Called into the Nelson Radiology to book the scan for next week.
Then back home.
Shanni had been to the supermarket and was making sushi.
Azzan was up and in a busy buzzy mood, running about getting chores done so he could then go spend the day with his friends.
I had been putting off doing the accounts and essential business paperwork
due to my birthday and other procrastinating factors.
Couldn’t delay any more.
But then the pressures of trying to sort near impossible issues hit me and those tears that were sitting just under the surface exploded into a loud stream of absolute helplessness.
The dam broke and I cried it all out.
The kids gave me the love and support they could but there is nothing more they can do.
The weight of the businesses is mine alone to carry.
I am so wanting to be free of it but it is taking so long to resolve.
I try so hard to be positive and know that things will work out.
I use so many techniques to deal with it all.
Avoidance is the best one!
But as we all know it doesn’t work for long :-/
In amongst all of this came a phone call saying that essential items that had been ordered for the completion of the wharf had not arrived as they should’ve done.
That was just another nail in my emotional coffin.
Graham is working so hard on my behalf to get it completed so compliance can be issued and to have yet another hiccup in proceedings is so frustrating.
Transport and accessibility to materials is difficult at the best of times without stupid transporting companies letting us down.
As well as all of the above I was answering business and social mail.
Mahalia is away at rowing training camp this week and then next week she is off to the South Island champs so there is a lot to be organised.
Haven’t even begun to look at Azzan’s College preparations  for this new year- sigh!
After spending an hour or so getting what I could done I called up Tracey as she is my back up baker for the camp food.
She decided I needed a shoulder and a coffee.
So I gathered up some of the large items of curricula that I have just sold and Azzan helped me carry it to the store so I could get quotes on postage.
He then took most of it home for me to wrap and pack, and I stayed to meet Tracey at the Sprig.
It was a much needed break in the proceedings.
Just removing myself from the situation, having a shoulder to cry on and an ear to share, helps immeasurably.
Thanks Tracey xxx
I hadn’t been watching the time so when Shanni called to see where I was I got a fright to see I only had 15 minutes to get her to her appointment!!
Raced home and grabbed what we needed and headed into WINZ.
Was pretty ticked off.
The case manager we saw last week had booked us in for today so we presumed we would be seeing her.
But another one came to get us, and she was not as gracious by a long shot!
So damned arrogant and condescending – she seemed to think she knew how to make Shanni well!!!
So?? I’ve been wasting all my time energy and finances for the past few years after all.
All I needed to do was to take my daughter into see her – grrrr!!
I came away feeling really upset at her attitude.
I should know better than to have any expectations from this department.
Have heard enough stories from others, plus had my own experiences many years ago :-/
I dropped Shanni back home as she was heading off to meet a friend.
Both she and Azzan ended up at the beach – the best place to be on a day like today.
It was sweatingly hot – not my fav temperatures.
I dropped some paperwork off at the Dr and was able to have a good talk with her which was good.
Then had to go sort out some bank stuff for my other work before coming home.
Almost forgot to fuel up the car!!
Had been too busy to notice the flashing light telling me the tank was getting hungry.
I got myself a late lunch – Shanni had left a rice ball for me – yum.
Reclined on the couch in the cool of the lounge and relaxed for a while.
Azzan arrived back quite late, but the days are long and hot so who’s counting the hours.
Plus I was quite glad of the kid free space to zone out this arvo.
Shanni arrived in around 9pm.
I decided to take Caspian for a walk.
I thought it had cooled down but it was actually still a very balmy evening.
It was 9:30pm when we left the house.
The moon is huge a full at the moment.
We took a brisk walk around a larger block than usual because he needed a good walk and so did I.
It was so muggy I was glad I was only in tee and shorts, cuz that was almost too hot!!
We met up with Izzy and Barney – Caspian went nuts with excitement at seeing his friend.
Lots of other dogs out walking their owners – lovely night for it 🙂
When we returned I finished packing up the parcels of books an games ready to post in the morning.
This is what you do when you are a fluffy puppy who needs to cool down.
Wooden floors are wonderfully cool 🙂

I think Azzan’s body is still in Perth zone, he had a lot of blankets on him when I tucked him in!!
It was after midnight when I finally got to bed.
But too hot to sleep comfortably.

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