Friday 29th April

Azzan biked off to his last day of work for these holidays.
Mahalia was not feeling 100% so I left her in bed.
I was sitting in the sunroom soaking up the morning sunshine and eating my breakfast when Penelope arrived.
We sat and talked for quite some time.
Lots to discuss and get our heads around.
I all of a sudden realised the time at 10:45am so saw her out the door and did a quick scurry to get ready.
Then I whizzed up the road to St Mary’s Church to farewell Bede with his friends and family.
I arrived just a few minutes before the 11am start, found a park on the school tennis courts and as I was locking the car an elderly man walked by and commented on my car.
We started chatting and I walked with him to the church.
Turns out he is an old Havelock resident who knew my family and the area well.
He was delighted when I suggested I sat with him 🙂
It was a lovely service and a great dedication to a good man.
And end of an era.
When Steve gave the eulogy it moved me to tears.
Tears of memories, and loss, and personal grief.
I have attended several funerals since Tim died but this one moved me more than any.
Bede and Tim might have been a generation apart but the same values and work ethics bound them together, and the words Steve used were synonymous.
It was a beautiful sunny day outside and lovely to stand and catch up with many friends but a lot were elderly so we moved across to the hall to enjoy the morning tea and more talking.
It was so good to catch up with Gilbert and Joan as I hadn’t seen them in months.
Plus met a new friend who lives quite close to me – another local contact 🙂
Around 1pm the family all headed off to the cemetery so I came home to rest up as all the standing was playing havoc with my sacroiliac – again :-/
I just had time to rest up on the sofa and enjoy a bowl of soup before Rossi, Doug & James arrived.
They’d been to the cemetery and were calling in to view my Nissan and to visit my new abode.
It was great to have them here, look forward to more visits now they now where I am 😉
I took them next door to introduce them to my neighbour Nin who has a wonderful veg stall.
They bought up large and then headed off to finish their town day before heading home to the bay.
Azzan had a long day at work and didn’t get home till around 2pm.
Mahalia took Caspian off for a long walk and Azzan went bike riding so I had the house to myself.

I found my very first feijoa of the season on the ground when I went to check the garden.
This year my Bambino trees are actually producing some bigger fruit.
Most excitingly delicious.
The guava are very cute and also very abundant.
IMG_6497

Advertisements

Thursday 28th April

Another beautiful Autumn morning here.
Just wondering when this sunny warm Indian summer is going to crash into winter.
No doubt when it does it will do it with a vengeance and we will all go into shock!
Had to wake Azzan at 8:15am – obviously his new room and bed is very comfortable.
By the time I had turned off my pager & finished my handover talk with Jenni and had my shower he was long gone off to work.
I made some porridge and then finished my painting from last night while Mahalia walked Caspian and her bike up to the bike shop.
Finally getting her flat tyre fixed.
This is the critter who kept me busy last night.
IMG_6493
Once I had gotten her to a place of somewhat finishedness I headed to my desk to tackle the accounting side of life.
Ho hum – boring :-/
Took me ages to slot in to the zone.
But then I got called away.
Oh dear, what a shame ;-/

Mahalia came back with her friend Sam and they spent a few hours baking.
IMG_6494
Azzan arrived back from work and then there was a scurry to find some money so he could go get his haircut.
I then went in to meet Cally & Mac at East Street Cafe for a last catch up before they head back up to the northern regions.
It was lovely sitting in the little bit of sunshine remaining in the courtyard.
I hadn’t had lunch as yet so enjoyed a broccoli, mushroom & feta filo while they had their hot drinks.
After farewelling them off on their journey to Picton I swung by Countdown to pick up a few things.
Mahalia & Sam walked to the movies – The Hunt for the Wilderpeople.
When I got home Azzan was attacking some of his jeans with scissors, grater and ink in an attempt to alter them.
He was very much in his happy creative space 🙂
His dive course was postponed again tonight due to illness, which I was quite happy about as I had a clash of interests tonight.
I had time to have a bowl of chilli veggies for dinner before heading off to pick up Mahalia & Sam from the movies.
However the message hadn’t been computed and they started walking.
I caught up with Mahalia and dropped her home and then found Sam and delivered her to her house.
I just had time to drive over to St Mary’s Church to attend Bede’s rosary.
It was a first for me.
Lovely to just be still for a while, and also to have time to talk with some of the family before his funeral tomorrow.
Got back home just after 8pm.
Kids hadn’t had their dinner so I suggested it might be a good idea.
I made myself a bubble tea and watched an episode of SeaChange before heading off to my bed.

Wednesday 27th April

I was up early and out the door around 8am.
I left the kids to sort themselves out this morning.
I needed some time out from motherhood.
Hit the supermarket and did some grocery shopping first.
Then off to my 9am counselling session.
Perfect timing to unload everything.
Spent the hour getting myself unravelled and prepared to face the rest of the day.
Then into town to have my fringe trimmed.
I guess the beauty of having had my hair cut shorter than I prefer last time, I can spin out the time between then and the next cut by just having an extra fringe clip.
I was so pleased to be able to see again.
Spotted some lovely winter clothes in Mariposa so went in and did some retail therapy.
Came out with a few colourful and warm additions to my winter wardrobe.
I went for a cruise around the Farmers Market and stopped into see Jane.
Had a lovely long chat with her and then decided to pick up some Baked Spuds for lunch.
We used to have them all the time when we came in from the farm for our town days but hardly ever get them now.
So the kids were pretty rapt when they saw them.
We had a bit of a chat and cleared the air while we ate so  all is much better for now 🙂
They had been busy while I was gone which I was really pleased about.
They had decided to swap rooms.
The best way to spring clean 🙂
They are both very happy with their decision.
Although Azzan ran out of stream half way through the afternoon and needed a boot along.
The limited edition Jelly Tip chocolate I succumbed to buying this morning helped immeasurably 😉
IMG_6481

I chilled out for a while and watched an Australian TV series on Netflix called SeaChange.
It is typical Aussie and quite amusing.
Glynnie came for a visit – hadn’t seen her in a while so that was nice.
When she left I took Azzan into town.
We had just under an hour before the shops shut.
He needs new school shoes and I had spotted a deal n at Amazon for Converse which I knew he wanted.
So struck a deal with him – I pay for the normal priced shoes and he pays the top up to this brand.
Then we went off to JayJays to see Jane again and he found 2 tee shirts and 2 sweatshirts on special.
On the way back to the car he was bemoaning the fact that ‘I’ve probably just spent all my wages.’
Then started the conversation – ‘How come I have to pay for my clothes now just because I’m earning money? Maybe I shouldn’t be working then you’d have to pay for them’!!
I said that I actually thought he had plenty of clothes and these were wants not needs.
Good to have a bit of reality in his life methinks 😉

When I was preparing the silver beet yesterday a praying mantis wandered up from amongst the stalks in the sink.
It appeared to be very belly heavy so am wondering if it is holding a heap of eggs under there?

This slideshow requires JavaScript.


Mahalia heated up last nights goulash & rice leftovers, I fried up some weiner schnitzel for Azzan and me and dinner was done and very yummy.
The family movie tonight was decided to be ‘Walt before Mickey’.
Mahalia declared it to be the most boring movie ever.
Azzan ditched it half way through commenting on how badly it was bad and acted.
I actually was fascinated by the story as I had no idea Walt Disney had gone through so much to succeed in his dream.

I went to bed and as advised left all electronic devices alone and instead sat up and did some drawing.
Got so wrapped up in it that it was nearly midnight before I put the pens down!

Tuesday 26th April

I never bothered to set my alarm as Mahalia assured me they had set theirs and they were all under control.
I woke at 5am and turned over as it was too early.
Then woke again at 6:22am and realised there was no one awake!!
I zipped into the girls room and turned on the light and told them the time.
Action stations!!
I got the porridge cooked while they threw on clothes and grabbed some snacks.
They ate and then were out the door by 6:45am.
They had to walk 5 minutes around the corner to meet the bus which was taking them out on an adventure with Abel Tasman Kayaks.
They were booked to spend the day doing a full day guided Kayak & Walk trip.
Once I heard back that they were safely on the bus I carried on with my day.

It was the first morning in 10 days that I have woken feeling almost normal.
Hopefully I’m well on the other side of this thing.
Azzan had work at 9am and I needed to get a WoF for my Nissan so I called up the garage at 7:45am and booked it in for 9am.
Woke Azzan at 8am – he was absolutely out cold, took quite a bit to wake him.
Gave him half an hour to get up and have breakfast and load his bike in the Nissan if he wanted a ride.
He had been bumping about in his room really late searching for his phone.
While he got ready I had a good look but couldn’t find it.
The cold south easterly wind was still blowing very strongly so I bundled up into 4 layers, I don’t want to give my body any more reason to crash so trying to keep warm.
I dropped Azzan off and then drove round the corner to Nelson Brake Services.
They are such great guys in there, always very accommodating.
I sat and caught up on the latest junk magazines while I waited for them to check out the 4WD.
Eventually he came and told me that it needed two small things done so lent me a courtesy vehicle so they could do the jobs now.
I came back home, did a more in depth search for Azzans phone to no avail, so started getting dinner ready.
Began by cleaning out the fridge and preparing all the veggies that needed to be used.
Stirred them all up in a large pan.
While doing that I popped my phone on speaker and had a lovely catch up with Sandra.
It is so long since we talked it’s crazy.
But had to curtail that call when Sunni called in to ask me something.
While I was talking to her I walked to my desk to check something for her and what did I find on the window sill – Azzan’s phone!
I had searched everywhere but had not approached my study area from that direction.
Then got a text to say Nissan was finished so I locked up the house and took Caspian for a ride.
I swapped the cars and then dropped the phone off to Azzan.
He still had lots of work to get through so I left him to it.
I came home and made myself some lunch and crashed out on the sofa for a rest.
The morning had claimed more energy than I had in reserve.
I didn’t have long though before Sebastian arrived.
It was cool in the kitchen so we retreated to the sunroom to talk over some business stuff.
There is good progress being made on the boat so thats all good.
He was leaving as Shanni arrived so I stayed in the sunroom and had a chat with her.
She had just returned from a few days in Canterbury and had some news for me which wasn’t great.
I was pretty gutted actually.
Mainly because it had taken so long for me to be told.
She eventually left and Azzan came home from work.
I asked him a bit later to take Caspian walking.
They were gone for quite a long time.
I finished making dinner.
It ended up being a chilli tomato vege goulash, and I put rice on to cook to have with it.
I had barely sat down when Mahalia & Sophie arrived back from their day.
They were really hungry.
When I heard how little lunch they had been supplied with I was really disappointed as the trip was quite costly and I had thought it would consist of more than a filled roll and a piece of cake.
Just as well I had insisted they take some snack food.
Dinner was not quite cooked so they went off to get some hot chips.
They shared them with Azzan & me.
Then Azzan came to tell me something that had been weighing on his mind.
He needed to get it off his chest.
I was glad that he had come to tell me.
But the conversation then descended to a point where I had to leave.
It really had been the last straw for me today.

As all mothers know, when you become a mother you are always a mother – forever till the day you die.
You have a strong vested interest in your children.
You want them to grow into healthy. responsible, independent, adults.
You commit your all to them.
You hopefully provide them with strong wings to fly out into the world and be the unique individuals they are intended to be.
But you never stop being a mother.
And to continually have them ‘protecting’ you by not telling you things that are/could be critical, life & death events is heart-rending.

I took myself off to the sanctuary of my bedroom and live streamed ‘The BachelorNZ‘.
NCIS looked interesting so I watched that too.
Nothing like some intense drama to take your mind off your own reality.

Needed to zone out and separate myself from being a parent tonight.
Single parenting is a bitch – I hate it.
If Tim were here then this wouldn’t be happening.
If Tim were here a lot of this stuff wouldn’t have happened but because he isn’t and because he left us all like he did we are all dealing with the fall out.
The emotional holes we all dig for ourselves, constantly falling into them and hurting ourselves and each other.
It’s like we are all flailing around searching for some direction, lost in the pain of his abandonment.

I got up after the kids had gone to bed and got myself a bowl of rice and goulash.
Couldn’t settle to sleep tonight.
Discovered a young lad talking on snap chat at 11:45pm so confiscated his phone and iPad.
Nah, school holidays do not mean you can be on social media as late as you please!
Yep! being a mother sucks sometimes 😦

Monday 25th April

For the first time in ages I slept through the night.
I woke at 5am and then went straight back to sleep until Azzan staggered in around 8am.
He had been planning to get up early to get some chores done so was annoyed he’d overslept.
As we all did it was obvious we all needed to.
I had absolutely no inclination to get up so stayed buried in my pillows with the curtains firmly pulled.
The kids brought me breakfast at 9:30am so I had to face the world then – herb tea, fresh feijoas and a ylang ylang candle 🙂
IMG_6468
Azzan went off to meet some friends just after 10am.
Have been doing some internet searching and am wondering if I have had/am having a ‘relapse’ of glandular fever.
The symptoms I have been experiencing are certainly very similar to what I remember from when I first got it.
I finally prised myself from my bed around 11am.
Had a go at making another card.
This one sort of evolved during the rest of the day.
IMG_6470
I managed to have a short rest on my bed before Andrea arrived so we took our cups of tea out to the sunroom and talked the afternoon away.
I managed to get a load of washing on which Mahalia hung out.
Azzan pulled the lounge rug outside and got the vacuum cleaner out ready.
But that is about as far as we got today.
Mahalia went to bad after lunch and slept soundly until we woke her at 6pm.
Azzan biked to supermarket and got some ciabatta buns for dinner then he took Caspian for a walk.
Mahalia heated up the soup & buns for dinner.
We had a family movie night – watched LOL.
It was scarily a bit too close to home 😉
But funny too.

Two mins before the end I saw the lounge  door opening slowly, thought it was the puppy then realised he was still curled up between me and Halia………
Sophie had found her way in an unlocked door and scared the pants off of me !
Sent the kids off to bed as the girls have a very early start and Azzan is off to work too.

Sunday 24th April

Mahalia headed off to rowing around 8:30am.
Azzan disappeared at some stage soon after.
I never knew he’d gone but as he had planned to go to church I figured that was where he’d gone.
So my morning was very quiet.
I finished making this card.
I am really running on close to empty.
Even doing this sapped my reserves.
IMG_6460
Early arvo the kids were still not back so I took Caspian up to The Wood for a walk.
Bedelia was up there cleaning out her Dad’s apartment.
I had been in the north end of the house all day so got quite a shock when I went out as the wind was quite cold.
Glad I wasn’t going far.
I crashed out in a rocking chair rested then when her mother-in-law arrived we chatted.
We were classified as ‘too sick and ‘too old’ to help so ‘sit down and have a chat’ 🙂
It was just a bit sad not to see Bede sitting there in his chair.
After an hour I headed back home.
Gay arrived bearing pavlova.
It was her birthday so I was able to enjoy part of her feast and give her the card I’d just finished making.
We reclined in the sunroom and ate pavlova and had a nice quiet catch up.
Azzan arrived back bubbling because he had discovered that one of his friends actually lives just down the street from us and he was invited to have lunch with her family.
I was able to top Azzan’s excitement by telling him that I also knew his friend’s father was a distant cousin of his his father!!
Small world 🙂
After Gay left I headed back to my bed again while Azzan prepared kumara and onions for soup.
Once done I made up a pot of Coconut Kumara Soup.
I googled the recipe and will be saving this one as it is really nice.
IMG_6464
Mahalia finally arrived home.
Tonight was the night for a maternal chat about the responsibility and respect needed and required by young folk towards their mother when then are out.
Both had thoughtlessly disappeared all day with no communication whatsoever as to where they were, who they were with, or when they’d be home  :-/
Azzan biked down to the supermarket and came back with some dinner rolls so dinner was all sorted.
Nice and easy.
Perfect for a cool autumn evening.IMG_6466
While he was gone I went out to get parsley for the soup and found some of our last tomatoes needed to be picked and I spotted these on the ground and realised the yellow guava were ripe dropping.
Mahalia and I tried one each, they are really yummy.
Same family as feijoa aka pineapple guava.
I have two different guava bushes growing and they are both laden so am looking forward to a good crop.IMG_6467
After dinner I had a soak in a bath with Epson Salts and then headed straight to bed.
I had the light out by 8:30pm.
Had no trouble getting to sleep tonight.

Saturday 23rd April

I had made a commitment earlier this week to collect something from the market today.
At that stage I thought I would be well and truly over this bug.
I had planned to go at 8am so I could get a close park, pick up and go.
I woke just before 8:30am and heard Mahalia getting ready to walk to rowing as her bike still is not fixed.
I staggered into my clothes, threw some water at my face and told her that as I had to go to the market I could drop her off.
I let her out at the bridge so she could walk the last part and I headed to the market.
Was very glad to get a park not too far from where I needed to go.
I picked up the parcel and also got these amazing kumara.
They are colossal.
Because he finds the larger ones hard to sell he was selling them at $2 each.
I figured that as the cheapest ones I have found these past weeks have been $2.99kg that they were a good buy.
When I got home and weighed them one was over 1.3kg!
Right now kumara soup was the most appetising thing I could think of.

I was near Lav Kokonas so stopped to say hullo to Belinda.
So grateful of her chair to sit in as I was feeling really wobbly and faint.
She was selling some deliciously large feijoas as a fund raiser for her Mammas Laef project supporting the girls in Vanuatu.
Its a fantastic initiative that she is spearheading so rock on over here to her sponsorship page and add your $20 to provide one girl with one less barrier to receiving continued education.
She had one bag left so I took that and after a short rest carried everything back the car and came home.
I crashed out for the rest of the day.
My throat is nearly all good, the headaches are much more manageable but the temperature surge are still happening and I am just so incredibly tired.
The kids did a few chords during the afternoon.
They are both under the farther too so I have been feeling a bit bad about cracking the whip.
But finally Azzan managed to get his bed made and his clothes put away properly – for a short time his floor was clear 😉
Mahalia rested and then went off to her cleaning job for an hour.
When she got home she cleaned up the kitchen which I was so grateful for.
When I am unwell mess just aggravates the pants off me
Later in the day around 5:30pm I managed to find a small amount of energy and I moved from my bed to my art desk and stated making a card.
IMG_6458Libby arrived an hour later.
By that time I was exhausted again.
But at least I had a small burst of creative energy so things must be improving!

Libby arrived like a Nightingale nurse bearing wonderful foods that she had prepared for me.
A pot of tomato soup made by Dad – thanks John, it was delicious.
And still warm cheese muffins and fresh chocolate cake with strawberries.
How good was that.
Food I didn’t have to prepare for myself.
So lovely after this week of struggling to eat.
The children helped demolish the muffins and cake.
We caught up while I ate and then she had to head off to do family stuff.
Thank you so much Libby.
That was far far better than any wine or flowers xxxxx