I never bothered to set my alarm as Mahalia assured me they had set theirs and they were all under control.
I woke at 5am and turned over as it was too early.
Then woke again at 6:22am and realised there was no one awake!!
I zipped into the girls room and turned on the light and told them the time.
Action stations!!
I got the porridge cooked while they threw on clothes and grabbed some snacks.
They ate and then were out the door by 6:45am.
They had to walk 5 minutes around the corner to meet the bus which was taking them out on an adventure with Abel Tasman Kayaks.
They were booked to spend the day doing a full day guided Kayak & Walk trip.
Once I heard back that they were safely on the bus I carried on with my day.
It was the first morning in 10 days that I have woken feeling almost normal.
Hopefully I’m well on the other side of this thing.
Azzan had work at 9am and I needed to get a WoF for my Nissan so I called up the garage at 7:45am and booked it in for 9am.
Woke Azzan at 8am – he was absolutely out cold, took quite a bit to wake him.
Gave him half an hour to get up and have breakfast and load his bike in the Nissan if he wanted a ride.
He had been bumping about in his room really late searching for his phone.
While he got ready I had a good look but couldn’t find it.
The cold south easterly wind was still blowing very strongly so I bundled up into 4 layers, I don’t want to give my body any more reason to crash so trying to keep warm.
I dropped Azzan off and then drove round the corner to Nelson Brake Services.
They are such great guys in there, always very accommodating.
I sat and caught up on the latest junk magazines while I waited for them to check out the 4WD.
Eventually he came and told me that it needed two small things done so lent me a courtesy vehicle so they could do the jobs now.
I came back home, did a more in depth search for Azzans phone to no avail, so started getting dinner ready.
Began by cleaning out the fridge and preparing all the veggies that needed to be used.
Stirred them all up in a large pan.
While doing that I popped my phone on speaker and had a lovely catch up with Sandra.
It is so long since we talked it’s crazy.
But had to curtail that call when Sunni called in to ask me something.
While I was talking to her I walked to my desk to check something for her and what did I find on the window sill – Azzan’s phone!
I had searched everywhere but had not approached my study area from that direction.
Then got a text to say Nissan was finished so I locked up the house and took Caspian for a ride.
I swapped the cars and then dropped the phone off to Azzan.
He still had lots of work to get through so I left him to it.
I came home and made myself some lunch and crashed out on the sofa for a rest.
The morning had claimed more energy than I had in reserve.
I didn’t have long though before Sebastian arrived.
It was cool in the kitchen so we retreated to the sunroom to talk over some business stuff.
There is good progress being made on the boat so thats all good.
He was leaving as Shanni arrived so I stayed in the sunroom and had a chat with her.
She had just returned from a few days in Canterbury and had some news for me which wasn’t great.
I was pretty gutted actually.
Mainly because it had taken so long for me to be told.
She eventually left and Azzan came home from work.
I asked him a bit later to take Caspian walking.
They were gone for quite a long time.
I finished making dinner.
It ended up being a chilli tomato vege goulash, and I put rice on to cook to have with it.
I had barely sat down when Mahalia & Sophie arrived back from their day.
They were really hungry.
When I heard how little lunch they had been supplied with I was really disappointed as the trip was quite costly and I had thought it would consist of more than a filled roll and a piece of cake.
Just as well I had insisted they take some snack food.
Dinner was not quite cooked so they went off to get some hot chips.
They shared them with Azzan & me.
Then Azzan came to tell me something that had been weighing on his mind.
He needed to get it off his chest.
I was glad that he had come to tell me.
But the conversation then descended to a point where I had to leave.
It really had been the last straw for me today.
As all mothers know, when you become a mother you are always a mother – forever till the day you die.
You have a strong vested interest in your children.
You want them to grow into healthy. responsible, independent, adults.
You commit your all to them.
You hopefully provide them with strong wings to fly out into the world and be the unique individuals they are intended to be.
But you never stop being a mother.
And to continually have them ‘protecting’ you by not telling you things that are/could be critical, life & death events is heart-rending.
I took myself off to the sanctuary of my bedroom and live streamed ‘The BachelorNZ‘.
NCIS looked interesting so I watched that too.
Nothing like some intense drama to take your mind off your own reality.
Needed to zone out and separate myself from being a parent tonight.
Single parenting is a bitch – I hate it.
If Tim were here then this wouldn’t be happening.
If Tim were here a lot of this stuff wouldn’t have happened but because he isn’t and because he left us all like he did we are all dealing with the fall out.
The emotional holes we all dig for ourselves, constantly falling into them and hurting ourselves and each other.
It’s like we are all flailing around searching for some direction, lost in the pain of his abandonment.
I got up after the kids had gone to bed and got myself a bowl of rice and goulash.
Couldn’t settle to sleep tonight.
Discovered a young lad talking on snap chat at 11:45pm so confiscated his phone and iPad.
Nah, school holidays do not mean you can be on social media as late as you please!
Yep! being a mother sucks sometimes 😦